I’ve been slowly reading Madeliene L’Engle’s A Circle of Quiet. The book is made up of lovely ramblings of her life in the country with her family and as a writer. She weaves words of wisdom throughout its pages. I wanted to steal the title of the book for the blog, but “A Circle of Quiet” was already taken. That’s probably a good thing, because I don’t want to go to prison for copyright infringement (I think that’s what the charge would be). Then, Circle of Quiet was taken, too. So I thought, The Circle of Quiet or My Circle of Quiet. Both of those sounded like they should end with an exclamation point and an arrow pointed towards me. Not quite the kind of title I was going for. So, I landed on This Circle of Quiet. I like what it conveys. And, even though I don’t really think it describes me very well, its what I’m going for this year. And, moving to the country, we are quite literally moving into a quieter space.
This year, I would like to have quiet on the inside as well as the outside. One way to take a step towards this is to get off Team Shame. Huh? you ask. Team Shame is the arch-rival of Team Grace. Here’s some examples of the running thoughts of Team Shame: “I should be doing ___,” (lots of thoughts begin with I should), “I feel really bad for (this thing that I did or didn’t do),” and “Why am I not more like (this random person that is prettier, skinnier, smarter, funnier, etc.) than me?” Basically, Team Shame focuses on what you don’t have, don’t do, should be, shouldn’t do, and lives there forever. I’m being a bit lighthearted about this, but I know that it is how many people live and think and work and play. Me included. So, this is the year, that I move from Team Shame to Team Grace. The thought processes of Team Grace are more like: “I didn’t do that, but that’s okay,” “Here friends, take a second helping, there will always be enough,” and “I’m so happy for that pretty, skinny, smart, funny person, and, hey, I’ve got some good things going for me, too.” The thoughts may begin similarly to those of Team Shame, but they end very differently. Their thoughts end with some form of “Its okay.” I think surgery, a brain transplant specifically, may be required to move me from Team Shame to Team Grace, but I’m ready. Thankfully, Gregg and several dear friends of mine are key members of Team Grace. They’re trying their best to recruit me.
I’m not sure what this surgery/recruitment process will look like. I think it involves praying, catching myself at the beginning of Team Shame thought runs, and I’m sure there’s more, but that’s all I’ve got for now.