I’ve been doing a Beth Moore bible study with some women in a Sunday school class at church.
That’s a phrase I would never have expected myself to say or type or write even a month ago. I’m way too advanced or post-modern or San Francisco-esque for Sunday school and Bible study. That thinking aside, its been very good for me.
But, Beth has been overwhelming with things I need to do. In her Simulcast, she talked about praying scripture over yourself to replace fear with truth. In her Living Beyond Yourself bible study, I’ve been studying scripture and connecting to God with my mind. I have not been here in years. And, then, on Sunday, in her video she added a new thing to do. Pour out your concerns to God, so He can pour into you, so you can pour forth to others. Yes! All good, I want to do all of it, but I’m overwhelmed. In the process, I’m creating a list of things to do so I can know I did I good job and feel good about how I’m spending my time. Now, I’m remembering why I stepped away from this To Do list for awhile. This is my old pattern of thinking. Adding to the To Do list and missing the point.
Just showing up, on the other hand, is where something happens. A change in me happens when I show up, especially when I show up when I don’t want to. Its in those times in particular that a shift or a change or a small voice happens.
I’d been racing through the Bible Study, getting it done, staying on top of it. Then, on Sunday, one of the girls said she hadn’t done any of it. A part of me said: “What?!? You didn’t finish your homework? I did! Aren’t we supposed to be accountable to each other. Its the first week and you haven’t done it!” Hmm…not where I want my thinking to go. And, with my head set on just finishing the Bible study, I was missing out, getting bored, drudging along, thinking “I’ve heard this all before.” But, when I stop and listen there’s something new and good to be learned.