More first trimester thoughts
I’ve become very introspective in the past couple of weeks. And I love it. Maybe that’s weird, but I’m finding comfort in going into myself(?) Sorry to sound hyper-spiritual. Its been a little strange because I’ve been craving community and people that know me, but I’ve been wanting to be myself and read and sit in the hammock and…just be.
My most recent visit to the OB/Gyn was empowering. I’ve been hesitant to get super worked up about wanting to have a natural labor. I’ve seen friends be absolutely devastated when their birth didn’t go as they expected. I didn’t want that for them, and I don’t want that for me. I’ve been protecting myself from the possibility of this kind of disappointment. Also, after working in the hospital with pregnant women both right before and after they have their babies, I’ve seen the outcome of different types of delivery is basically the same. When a healthy baby is born, it doesn’t seem to matter how their baby was delivered. But the process (the pregnancy and the birth) is important, I missed that before. I talked to my OB about how I’m used to being an observer, but, now that I’m a participant, I’m beginning to see things differently. Also, not working in the hospital any more, I think I’ve gotten some of my compassion back and lost some of my cynicism. That place does it to ya.
My Ob/Gyn encouraged me that its okay for me to have an opinion and to want to approach my pregnancy, labor and birth in a specific way. She encouraged me to write down the interventions that I would want and not want. To this, I told her that I know how nurses respond when a patient rolls into the unit with a Birth Plan. They roll their eyes and prepare for the worst. (What is it with nurses? I think, we’re both the meanest and nicest people in the world.)
I’m developing my pregnancy/childbirth/parenting reading list and loving it. I’m open to suggestions.