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I think I’m changing, or maybe just getting older. Or both. Maybe its just that I finally have a job where I have to dress up and where professional clothes. I was talking to a lady that’s about 25 years older than me. She says that she keeps threatening to give up. As in, stop caring about what she looks like and just wear sweatpants and sweatshirts every day. When she said this, my response was that I have been wanting to take it up a notch. As in, I want to start dressing nice and caring about my appearance. Not in an obsessive way, but in an I feel good about myself way.
In college, I wore a t-shirt and denim skirt pretty much every day of the summer. I loved it. Then, after graduation and in Europe, I would layer tank tops and cotton tees on top of each other. This made for a different look without having to buy new clothes. (I’m going somewhere with this, I promise.) I’m getting to the point where I want to wear clothes that I didn’t find on the street (yep, in San Francisco people unload their stuff on the street, and I loved rummaging through what they tossed out) or receive from a friend after they decided they didn’t like it any more. Seriously about 75% of my clothes were acquired in one of these two ways.
I’ve been reading this book off and on about living as royalty. The book explains that God is the king and we are His children and, therefore part of his kingdom. According to the author, we should live confidently, with the knowledge that we are royalty. There’s a quiz at the end of the book that evaluates how you live. Do you live like a princess or do you live like a pauper? One of the questions is “do you shop a discount stores and do you always look for bargains?” Answering “always” or “very often” put you in the pauper category. Hmm. What about being “a good steward” of God’s money? I guess from the author’s perspective, not shopping for expensive clothing and other nice items means that you view yourself as unworthy to have these types of things.
My mom and I both suffer from guilt (she calls it buyer’s remorse) after going shopping, so all of this over-thinking is part of the preparation for the big shop I’m about to have. I’m about to get my first paycheck since December. I’m going to spend it in on nice clothes for work. I’m not going to spend all of it. I’m going to buy these clothes and wear them, so that I don’t feel frumpy every day that I go to work. I’m growing up. Maybe I’ll eventually, I’ll actually feel like a professional princess. But, for now, I’ll just dress like one.